Everything has been contrary, I’ve been contrary, working really hard on myself and everything that I have any amount of control to bring about a trajectory of a positive fate. But there is no such thing as control, really. I’ve had to have a lot of faith, and I will continue to close my eyes to the ridiculousness of vain and privileged conflict to make a better life.

It is not advantageous to make things look easy. I do not skate through life, on the contrary, everything I’ve earned has come from years of painstaking consistency, sacrifice and purpose. A Black girl from Baltimore City, it’s not been easy, and in some ways, I have made choices to where I have not felt the heart-wrenching experience of being betrayed by a child I birthed, or experienced a painful divorce. I’ve sheltered myself from some experiences. I knew as a young person, that my heart would possibly not be able to take such experiences, but now that I am nearly 40, I have the choice, resolve — but still do not plan to drive myself toward such visceral happenings. I got married at 29. Statistics say 40% of Black women have never been married, so I see the grace in this. The pandemic quieted things, and now we barely speak. All of the children I supported my friends in raising, I don’t see them anymore. I hold that pain in my heart, but it has afforded me freedom to be present with my students. 

I’ve been quite honest today, they say that Chiron, a minor planet and comet that inhabits its own solar system outside of the sun, is, astrologically known as “The Wounded Healer”, is in opposition with Mars, the planet, in the sky today, meaning there is healing with forward movement.  Mars doesn’t always mean conflict and war, but can denote action and passion because on the contrary, I feel I have been behaving very calmly. I just wrote a couple of letters when I opened up, and I don’t know if I’ve lost or gained, but I am learning at my age, but that is all

Ultimately up to, should be focused on and about me — after spending much of my life putting everyone before me, many times to my lack and detriment. 

I need freedom.

I’m not a girl, long have those days passed.

Long have those days passed.